Turducken Part 2

you remember part 1? well a friend Aline found that hugh fearnley-whittingstall (a novelty mildly-eccentric english chef) has achieved a TEN-bird multi-roast: a turgoduckmaguikenantidgeonck if you will. check out the recipe and video of preparation: http://www.rivercottage.net/SeasonalRecipes/Default.aspx?artid=595 &cid=152
naturally her first instinct was to wiki such a story - and well, she found the ultimate ever achieved by those culinary gods - the french: quote - The largest recorded nested bird roast is 17 birds, attributed to a royal feast (fit for a Lord or large Princess) in France in the 19th Century: a bustergophechideckneaealckidgeverwingailusharkolanine - bustard stuffed with a turkey, a goose, a pheasant, a chicken, a duck, a guinea fowl, a teal, a woodcock, a partridge, a plover, a lapwing, a quail, a thrush, a lark, an ortolan and a passerine. Since passerine is a generic term, it is not known exactly what kind of bird was used as the smallest in the actual roast, although a pied flycatcher has been suggested.

i suggest you start cooking christmas dinner...now.

k

Work Party

Melbourne Shenanigans

Turducken

i just been to a dinner party, that peculiar beast known as a pot luck. the centerpiece dish was a turducken. a turducken, having never experienced such a culinary thermo-nuclear weapon in my life, went like this: get a chicken- take all the bones out. get a duck- take all the bones out. stuff the de-boned chicken into the de-boned duck. get a turkey - take all the bones out. stuff the chicken stuffed duck into the de-boned turkey. all sorts of other things get stuffed into the things stuffed into other things - iit had cajun flavour, so some kind of spicy sausage was also involved. then it was covered in bacon so it doesnt dry out too much during the nine hours it takes to cook. the upside of eating this was that the fat from the duck makes the turkey edible. but the downside was i reckon about 200 percent the cholesterol you should injest in your entire life. in a kind of bob-west-style-reflection, i was thinking (over excited about stuffing into stuffing) that a trip to auckland zoo would enable stuffing 'à la grande' - one could stuff an african clawed frog into a meerkat, stuffing that again into a spider monkey; and so on until youre stuffing an ostrich into a giraffe and then all that into Kashin the elephant - then digging the worlds biggest hangi pit and waiting about a week while it cooks. yeah bro. that will get the maoris around the table. actually, why not go exotic, put all the endangered species, like a black robin stuffed into a mexican green cheeked parrot, then into a north American alligator snapping turtle, then into a maui dolphin and into a Beluga Sturgeon those caviar creatures (mmm, classy), moving to a black rhino then stuffing that into a blue whale. to eat a dish like that probably called robparrturdolphsturgrhinale, would put us truly atop the evolutionary tree, having eaten most of the lower branches. stuff em good!

Mobile 021 260 4100

NZ +64 9 630 5717

havelock@anz.com

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Toilet

It was an evening like any other. There was a faint breeze from the
south, the smell of early spring flowers in bloom was heavy in the air
as the daylight waned, and the sky became a canvas of brilliant reds
and oranges as the darkness of night began to creep in from its place
of hiding.

I sat on my couch, drinking and watching television, briefly glancing
at the floor which was festooned with empty beer cans and other forms
of filth and possible biological contagions. The smoke of a cigarette
I had just enjoyed hung about the ceiling, dancing mysteriously as if
to some unheard music.

A rumbling surged from within my colon, which reminded me of the
delicious lunch I'd had that day, although of questionable safety. I
had decided I'd have some form of cuisine akin to that available in
the Orient for my lunch, in fact I'd decided that before I'd even
gotten dressed for work that day. Phong Lao's China Buffet - a name
what I would never forget.

It caught me completely by surprise, a warm moistness, fresh on my
taint. Not knowing of any more suitable course of action, I bounded
directly for the restroom. Although more than likely a foolish choice
on my part - I had to at least try to save the garments I'd already
lightly soiled. The trial had only just begun. Before I could plant
myself on the toilet seat, a searing deluge of horribly pungent
deficate showered my bathroom in all directions. The walls dripping
with the mud of my colon, my sphincter had no intention of relenting.
My entire excretory system surged with pressure, the sensation of
gargantuan logs of buffet induced bombardment filled the whole of my
lower intestine. My toilet was pummeled ferociously, log after log
delved eagerly into its waiting bowl. I soon noticed that the sound of
splashes and plops had been replaced by a sickening moist kind of
thud. I glanced down to see that my waste had piled up out of the
water, now resting less than one inch below my ample $%#!%&!.

That's when the unthinkable began to happen, the kind of thing you
read about in magazines, or maybe see in a Time Life video. My toilet,
under the extreme pressure, the torment, the agonizing abuse it had
suffered...was beginning to crack. Before I was able to brace myself,
the toilet collapsed underneath me. The entire bathroom floor awash in
$!@%water, turds flowing this way and that. I began to weep
uncontrollably, now laying on the floor and unable to control the
defications still streaming from my anus. I recall watching one of the
larger logs float past my face, and wondering where it might be
headed. Exhausted from the trial I'd just faced, I fell asleep where I
lay.

Kirk Havelock
Mobile 021 260 4100

Home(NZ) +64 9 630 5717

havelock@anz.com

 

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blagounette ! :)

Une blonde peut parfois avoir une lueur d'intelligence, en voici la preuve :

 

Une blonde et un avocat sont dans un avion.

L'avocat, pour passer le temps, propose un jeu à la blonde.

Celle-ci étant fatiguée, répond qu'elle n'est pas intéressée et se retourne

pour dormir.

L'avocat ne se démonte pas pour autant et lui propose comme suit : " Je te

pose une question et si tu ne sais pas répondre, tu me donnes 5

euros,ensuite tu me poses une question et si je ne sais pas répondre, je te

donnes 500 euros ". Finalement, la blonde finit par céder et décide donc

d'encaisser la première question. L'avocat : " Quelle est la distance entre

la terre et la lune ? " La blonde, sans hésiter, prend son portefeuille, en

retire 5 euros, qu'elle donne à l'avocat.

L'avocat,ravi, empoche les 5 euros et attend sa question.... La blonde : "

qu'est

ce qui a 3 pattes en montant la montagne et 4 en la descendant ? " Sur ce

elle se retourne et se met à ronfler. L'avocat réfléchit,consulte son

encyclopédie portable, téléphone à un ami, demande discrètement autour de

lui, .... Aucune réponse... rien...le néant. Après plusieurs heures

d'intenses réflexions, il réveille la blonde et lui file les 500 euros.

La blonde elle, encore à moitié endormie, empoche les 500 euros et se

retourne de nouveau pour essayer de dormir. L'avocat, un peu frustré quand

même : " et alors, la réponse, c'est quoi? " Et la blonde lui

tend un billet de 5 euros....

Kirk Havelock
Mobile 021 260 4100

Home(NZ) +64 9 630 5717

havelock@anz.com

 

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Birthday poem from Bob for the 10th May

imagine you're a taupeliving in bottrop
--dig a whole through th' earth,
its length one over pi times girth.
but beware, brave mole,
i tell ya,without attention it'll be australia,
not the country we desire,
the land of meat-made pie, yaaah!

happy birthday!w. mac robben

Une Taupe au Guichet

Une Taupe au Guichet
Je vais chier dans mon frock
A cause d’un bloc
C’est un très grand choque
Err...qu’est ce que ‘phoque’ ?

J’ai une taupe au guichet
Une cigare entamé
Maintenant tu sais
Et c’est pas trop chantmé

Cette petite fève
Me fais rire doucement
Et au bout de mes lèvres
Je la lacherai gentillement

Parce que, si non
Il y aura pour sûr
Un bordel dans mes shorts
Vert et assez mûre

Kirk
qu'est ce que 'fuck' became phoque
qu'est ce que 'seal' became 'cile' simlarly (in montreal)

j'ai commencé...

salut mes potes
je veut te dire que j'ai commencé à écrire des poesies et des rimes.  c'était plutôt un resultat de Nico et pete carlill , des mecs qu'ils me donnent un esprit par commencer une page das le Delit Francophone (de mcgill). alors, l'une de mes premiers tu peut voir ci-dessous je t'invite à corriger mes fautes et donner tes l'opnions sur mes sujets ou choix des mots. bon, je te laisse à lire

"Le Verlan de L'envers"

mes meufs et mes keums
si je veux dire
que les tromés sont pourris
vous continuez à lire?

cette histoire du verlan
pas trop chelou
N'inquietez-vous
et prenez un choirmou

que faites vous soir ce,
un tarpé vous attend?
Mais fumez pas dans la gnolba
Ecoutez mon son

vous êtes prêt, maintenant?
chantmé et cou cou!
Looc c'est fini
Et cymer à vous!

la prochaine fois je t'enverrai une surprise, unu oeuvre "Taupe au guichet"

bises,
k

Kirk Havelock
Mobile 021 260 4100

Home(NZ) +64 9 630 5717 

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Les Flâneurs

"For the perfect flâneur, it is an immense joy to set up house in the heart of the multitude, amid the ebb and flow. To be away from home, yet to feel onself everywhere at home; to see the world, to be at the centre of the world, yet to remain hidden from the world - such are a few of the slightest pleasures of those independent, passionate, impartial natures which the tongue can but clumsily define."

- Baudelaire

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Pass the Watties?

1988 NZ Chef of the Year and Elton John’s former cook, Clive Hitchens, has returned to his roots, opening a meat pie shop in Alameda, California. Hitchens and partner, Donna, had been successfully selling gourmet pies at farmers markets since early 2003, before deciding to open their own restaurant, The New Zealander, this year. "The pies are dressed up for sure in his restaurant. Hitchens … uses gourmet quality ingredients - imported and free-range meats and his own curries - and wraps the meats in a pastry shell so delicate it defies the dish's reputation of being hearty. But they are still meat pies he's serving, a food that's gobbled up with grubby hands everywhere in NZ, at rugby matches, gas stations, corner stores, you name it."

Pies. You need to understand.

Pies. something i gravey(pun) missed in canada. North Americans may be unfamiliar with this phenomenon. A pie is a savoury hors d'oeuvres pastry thing, but three times the size, filled with meat (fom whence we can only guess) and with a lid on.

The worst pies in New Zealand can be had for NZ$1.60 a piece at a grimy, smelly, cockroach-infested petrol station by Lake Karapiro. Coming a close second are the infamous Putrid Pies of Panmure (a suburb of Auckland). They seem to be available from all the bakeries - do not touch them, they are the source of all evil

ive had some good asian pies though. delectable favourites like steak n mush.
There are some quite nice pies in Queenstown, but we really hate Queenstown, and this ruins the whole pie eating experience for us. There are also some quite nice pies in Onehunga (south Auckland). However, it should be noted that pies can never be rated at anything above "good".

Also, pie criticism is one of the most subjective things imaginable. can i get some aussie feedback on these points please?

kiwi

see what the view of the Eiffel tower is like right now http://www.abcparislive.com/

here's some kiwifruit and lime jelly

Why did the pervert cross the road?
'cos he was stuck up the chickens arse

cairn's of scotland http://www.flickr.com/photos/tags/cairn/clusters/scotland-stone-highlands/

frank the happy camper

my name is frank.

id like to discover new zealand

i dont want any sheep

Maersk Sealand

The A.P. Moller - Maersk Group, whose headquarters are at Esplanaden, Copenhagen, has more than 70,000 employees and offices in more than 125 countries.A.P. Moller - Maersk operates about 1,000 vessels and rigs half of which are owned. The fleet includes container vessels, tankers, gas carriers, car carriers and supply vessels as well as special vessels, drilling rigs and Svitzer’s salvage vessels, tugs and special-purpose vessels.Besides shipping, the A.P. Moller - Maersk Group is engaged in exploration for and production of oil and gas, shipbuilding, supermarkets and industry.

La Bouffe

Like looking at good food? Here are some extreme food photos.

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